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Scott: With the recent news of a flight attendant attempting to smuggle $40,000 worth of turtles out of Los Angeles… in a CARRY-ON bag, I thought I’d round-up the most brazen buffoonery involving concealed contraband, weapons, and even humans.
Let’s start off with those turtles…
1. China Eastern Airlines Crew Member Faces 5 Years in Captivity for Hiding 45 Turtles
The flight attendant pleaded guilty to attempting to smuggle the spotted and box turtles in a carry-on bag from Los Angeles to China. The animals are protected by the Convention on the International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora.
A random X-ray luggage check by the TSA at LAX airport detected “unusual round objects” in the carry-on bags.
2. 261 Tarantulas Found at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport
Customs officers opened suspicious boxes on an inbound flight from the Dominican Republic to find 261 Mexican red-kneed tarantulas. The shipment was destined for a Swiss dealer.
But maybe those criminals got caught because they weren’t clever enough. So let’s begin the theme of hiding animals in underpants…
3. Is that a Slender Loris in Your Pants or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
The slender loris is a small, furry, primate. It’s on India’s endangered list. And that’s why airport guards at New Delhi’s Indira Gandhi International Airport detained the man from the United Arab Emirates who was hiding it in his underwear.
4. Trouser Snakes
The TSA at Miami International Airport arrested a man headed to Brazil for walking through security with 7 exotic snakes and 3 tortoises hidden in his pants.
Let’s take a break from all the animals in underwear and talk about hiding crack in cracks.
5. Flight Attendant Stuffs 7 Pounds of Cocaine in His Spandex
The employee of Caribbean Airlines pleaded guilty to the drug smuggling charge in Fort Lauderdale upon flying in from Montego Bay, Jamaica.
He was pulled aside for acting “very nervous” after landing at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport.
OK, but back to animals in underwear…
6. Cold-Blooded Man Pockets 44 Reptiles in His Underwear
A German man trying to leave New Zealand with 44 live geckos and skinks (a type of lizard) living in his underpants was sentenced to 12 weeks in jail.
He had had sewn pouches into his clothing to hide ~$2,000 worth of the protected animals.
7. Thou Shalt Not Smuggle Stabbing Instruments
The TSA confiscates lots of weapons so that part isn’t unusual. This incident at Orlando International Airport makes the list because the 6-inch blade was concealed inside a bible.
Proverbs 12:18 informs us, “Your words can cut like a knife.” Literally.
8. Check Your Checked Bags for Human Skulls
The TSA discovered human skull fragments while searching clay pots in checked baggage at Fort Lauderdale International Airport. The passengers had just purchased the pots and said they had no idea skull fragments were inside.
9. Your Baby Is Not a Carry-On Item
An Egyptian couple was denied entrance to the United Arab Emirates at Sharjah International Airport because they didn’t have a visa for their son.
Being resourceful, the candidates for Parents of the Year zipped the boy inside a carry-on bag and went through security. They put the bag through an X-ray machine, where alert agents found the baby.
10. Airline Expiration Policy Thwarts Woman’s Plan
At Liverpool John Lennon Airport, a woman was arrested for trying to smuggle her dead husband onto a flight to Berlin.
The 91-year-old man had been put in a wheelchair and his eyes covered with sunglasses as the widow and her daughter walked through the airport. The two women said they thought he was asleep. And they had covered his face because of an eye problem.
They denied claims that the man had been dead for some time, insisting he was alive when they left home for the airport.
Apply for TSA PreCheck If You’ve Never Put Animals in Your Underwear (at an Airport)
The TSA PreCheck line is superior to the regular airport security lines because it’s faster. That’s because to get on this line you’ve been pre-screened for a history of smuggling reptiles and predatory arachnids and for hiding infants in your computer bag.
Save Money: Apply for the Capital One® Venture® Rewards Credit Card. Then use it to buy TSA PreCheck (or Global Entry) and you’ll get the $85 fee reimbursed.
Do NOT go through airport security with mammals in your boxer shorts.
Do NOT sneak weapons into religious books.
Do NOT put babies through the X-ray machine.
You must be alive to board a commercial flight.