To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. – William Makepeace Thackeray
Daraius Dubash: This is a blog post I never thought I’d write. Emily and I are getting divorced in ~2 weeks.
I never thought that the divorce statistics applied to me. Those statistics were obviously for different folks. I’ve always believed – and still do – that marriage is for life.
What can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic (I hate the phrase “hopeless romantic,” but that’s another post!). I got married firmly believing that there would be very tough times. And whatever happened, I’d make it work. So I’m sad that we’re getting divorced.
I was stressed out and took out my frustration in ways that impacted Emily. I yelled. I would get frustrated about little things, that now I know don’t matter. I witnessed the impact of my yelling. And I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but my words and tone drove us to place where we lost our intimacy and connection. She asked for gentle and caring; I offered brusque and inattentive.
We went for counseling & separated but I could not get past my own hurt and blame. I demanded Emily to change instead of changing the only person I could, myself.
I felt so much pain, anger, shame, and anxiety that I was scared to see where it was coming from. I was angry, confused, even shocked that our marriage was breaking down and there was nothing I could do. And always, I was angry and looked at Emily to blame, not myself.
It took months of meditation, empathy, and yoga for me to finally arrive at a more peaceful, loving, and accepting place.
I am finally, more excited & happy to celebrate the love and happiness, which we shared over 8 years. Emily, thank you for inspiring me to love!
Thank you for allowing me to feel the bliss of loving someone and knowing that I have it in me to love, protect, and care.
Thank you for being so kind and compassionate, especially to those who most need it.
Thank you for being so playful and pushing me to have fun!
Most of all, thank you for pushing me (through your courage to speak up) to grow, evolve & learn without you. I’m learning how to love myself, how to safely express my emotions, & how to become more mindful and connected with myself.
I am especially happy that I can now leave with the precious memories of the most joyful years of my life, rather than with my unserved resentment and anger!
In the words of William Blake, thank you for “letting me kiss the joy as it flies” over the last 8 years.
My journey has been so much more because of you!
Emily Jablon: After separating and counseling, Daraius and I have decided that we are better as friends and allies instead of romantic partners, so we’ve decided to get divorced. We ask that you join us in also respecting this choice we have made and embrace this new change in our lives.
During our time together, we have taught one another priceless lessons about ourselves, and ourselves in a relationship. We both have become stronger and have grown immensely. Our hearts are full with love and respect for one another because we see the goodness in each other.
Daraius Dubash, you have taught me so much about what it means to love and to be generous, kind, hardworking, and forgiving. Thank you for teaching me all you have, and for helping make me the person I am today.
I continue to be inspired by you and your resolution for personal growth. Thank you and keep continuing down your path. I will never stop cheering for you and your dreams. I do still love you and have forgiven you. Life now guides us apart in some ways and yet this connection always remains.
Let’s welcome the change before us and celebrate the many happy moments we shared together and with our loved ones!
Daraius & Emily: We continue to be friends! We continue to work together on the blog, speak at conferences, and share our (separate) Trip Reports. Nothing is changing at the blog!
We named the blog Million Mile Secrets, because we didn’t like that regular folks didn’t have access to the closely guarded secrets that make Big Travel with Small Money possible.
Through the years, we’ve also shared our personal “secrets” letting you see our travel together, our experiences, and our feelings. So it’s only right to share our divorce.
And while it may sound silly, we’re proud “parents.” Emily and I don’t have children, but we did build this blog together.
We appreciate y’all. Thank you for connecting with us and being an important part of our lives!