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We’re Getting Divorced

We’re Getting Divorced

Million Mile SecretsWe’re Getting DivorcedMillion Mile Secrets Team

We devote thousands of hours of research to help you get Big Travel with Small Money. You support us by signing-up for credit cards through partner links which earn us a commission. Here’s our full Advertising Policy.

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. – William Makepeace Thackeray

Daraius Dubash:  This is a blog post I never thought I’d write.  Emily and I are getting divorced in ~2 weeks.

I’ve blogged about asking Emily to marry me, when we got married, our honeymoon(s)!, and other trips together.  So, I wouldn’t feel very authentic if I didn’t share this news with y’all.

I never thought that the divorce statistics applied to me.  Those statistics were obviously for different folks.  I’ve always believed – and still do – that marriage is for life.

What can I say?  I’m a hopeless romantic (I hate the phrase “hopeless romantic,” but that’s another post!).  I got married firmly believing that there would be very tough times.  And whatever happened, I’d make it work.  So I’m sad that we’re getting divorced.

I was stressed out and took out my frustration in ways that impacted Emily.  I yelled.  I would get frustrated about little things, that now I know don’t matter.  I witnessed the impact of my yelling.  And I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my words and tone drove us to place where we lost our intimacy and connection.  She asked for gentle and caring; I offered brusque and inattentive.

We went for counseling & separated but I could not get past my own hurt and blame.  I demanded Emily to change instead of changing the only person I could, myself.

I felt so much pain, anger, shame, and anxiety that I was scared to see where it was coming from.  I was angry, confused, even shocked that our marriage was breaking down and there was nothing I could do.  And always, I was angry and looked at Emily to blame, not myself.

It took months of meditation, empathy, and yoga for me to finally arrive at a more peaceful, loving, and accepting place.

I am finally, more excited & happy to celebrate the love and happiness, which we shared over 8 years.  Emily, thank you for inspiring me to love!

Thank you for allowing me to feel the bliss of loving someone and knowing that I have it in me to love, protect, and care.

Thank you for being so kind and compassionate, especially to those who most need it.

Thank you for being so playful and pushing me to have fun!

Most of all, thank you for pushing me (through your courage to speak up) to grow, evolve & learn without you.  I’m learning how to love myself, how to safely express my emotions, & how to become more mindful and connected with myself.

I am especially happy that I can now leave with the precious memories of the most joyful years of my life, rather than with my unserved resentment and anger!

In the words of William Blake, thank you for “letting me kiss the joy as it flies” over the last 8 years.

My journey has been so much more because of you!

Emily Jablon:  After separating and counseling, Daraius and I have decided that we are better as friends and allies instead of romantic partners, so we’ve decided to get divorced.  We ask that you join us in also respecting this choice we have made and embrace this new change in our lives.

During our time together, we have taught one another priceless lessons about ourselves, and ourselves in a relationship.  We both have become stronger and have grown immensely.  Our hearts are full with love and respect for one another because we see the goodness in each other.

Daraius Dubash, you have taught me so much about what it means to love and to be generous, kind, hardworking, and forgiving.  Thank you for teaching me all you have, and for helping make me the person I am today.

I continue to be inspired by you and your resolution for personal growth.  Thank you and keep continuing down your path.  I will never stop cheering for you and your dreams.  I do still love you and have forgiven you.  Life now guides us apart in some ways and yet this connection always remains.

Let’s welcome the change before us and celebrate the many happy moments we shared together and with our loved ones!

Bottom Line

Daraius & Emily: We continue to be friends!  We continue to work together on the blog, speak at conferences, and share our (separate) Trip Reports.  Nothing is changing at the blog!

We named the blog Million Mile Secrets, because we didn’t like that regular folks didn’t have access to the closely guarded secrets that make Big Travel with Small Money possible.

Through the years, we’ve also shared our personal “secrets” letting you see our travel together, our experiences, and our feelings.  So it’s only right to share our divorce.

And while it may sound silly, we’re proud “parents.” Emily and I don’t have children, but we did build this blog together.

We appreciate y’all.  Thank you for connecting with us and being an important part of our lives!

If you liked this post, why don’t you join the 25,000+ readers who have signed-up to receive free blog posts via email (only 1 email per day!) or in an RSS reader …because then you’ll never miss another update!

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thank you for sharing! and sorry for your divorce but it’s amazing that you continue to work together and be friends! as a fellow Texan, I will continue to share your blog with others!

I am sorry to hear this happened to you both but glad to hear you are able to continue living a life that is still connected and with what appears to be a good level of peace and understanding between you. I actually have gone through this myself… I know my little blog is nothing huge but the sudden stop in writing during the Mile Madness fun of 2014 was directly due to my own marriage breakdown and we are now separated and very close to finalizing our divorce (here in NC you have to be physically separated for at least a year before you can actually divorce). It is definitely a very painful process but we also continue to get along amicably and cordially, somewhat even more critical in our case given our shared children, and I think it’s a good thing for modern society that people are able to now separate and continue to live with some togetherness without being frowned upon by family, friends and society as a whole. I wish you both the best of luck in your personal lives. And I think it is brave and admirable for you to layout your feelings on this so publicly. Best wishes, Phil

Emily and Daraius:

you have made a tough and sad but mature choice. I hope that you keep the divorce amicable and continue to work together as partners.

Wishing you all the best in your respective lives.

Sorry to hear the news. I didn’t know until one of my friends told me about it. I hope this is the start of inner growth for both you and emily. Being xmas season, I also want to apology for being harsh on this website and emily. Maybe the bitterness stem from early days of the blog killing 90% of the ft deals. I guess it was uncalled for us group to make fun of emily.

What doesn’t kill does make you stronger. Being lived a turmoil of life myself, i know that you will be stronger tomorrow. And don’t be too hard on yourself. It takes two to make marriage work, and two to destroy marriage.

As it’s getting close to signing some very life changing papers I would ask that the two of you watch “The Best Years of Our Lives” together. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0036868/synopsis?ref_=tt_stry_pl It is a great portrayal of love and commitment through the struggles of life and stress.

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