We’re Getting Divorced

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To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. – William Makepeace Thackeray

Daraius Dubash:  This is a blog post I never thought I’d write.  Emily and I are getting divorced in ~2 weeks.

I’ve blogged about asking Emily to marry me, when we got married, our honeymoon(s)!, and other trips together.  So, I wouldn’t feel very authentic if I didn’t share this news with y’all.

I never thought that the divorce statistics applied to me.  Those statistics were obviously for different folks.  I’ve always believed – and still do – that marriage is for life.

What can I say?  I’m a hopeless romantic (I hate the phrase “hopeless romantic,” but that’s another post!).  I got married firmly believing that there would be very tough times.  And whatever happened, I’d make it work.  So I’m sad that we’re getting divorced.

I was stressed out and took out my frustration in ways that impacted Emily.  I yelled.  I would get frustrated about little things, that now I know don’t matter.  I witnessed the impact of my yelling.  And I still feel uncomfortable thinking about it.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my words and tone drove us to place where we lost our intimacy and connection.  She asked for gentle and caring; I offered brusque and inattentive.

We went for counseling & separated but I could not get past my own hurt and blame.  I demanded Emily to change instead of changing the only person I could, myself.

I felt so much pain, anger, shame, and anxiety that I was scared to see where it was coming from.  I was angry, confused, even shocked that our marriage was breaking down and there was nothing I could do.  And always, I was angry and looked at Emily to blame, not myself.

It took months of meditation, empathy, and yoga for me to finally arrive at a more peaceful, loving, and accepting place.

I am finally, more excited & happy to celebrate the love and happiness, which we shared over 8 years.  Emily, thank you for inspiring me to love!

Thank you for allowing me to feel the bliss of loving someone and knowing that I have it in me to love, protect, and care.

Thank you for being so kind and compassionate, especially to those who most need it.

Thank you for being so playful and pushing me to have fun!

Most of all, thank you for pushing me (through your courage to speak up) to grow, evolve & learn without you.  I’m learning how to love myself, how to safely express my emotions, & how to become more mindful and connected with myself.

I am especially happy that I can now leave with the precious memories of the most joyful years of my life, rather than with my unserved resentment and anger!

In the words of William Blake, thank you for “letting me kiss the joy as it flies” over the last 8 years.

My journey has been so much more because of you!

Emily Jablon:  After separating and counseling, Daraius and I have decided that we are better as friends and allies instead of romantic partners, so we’ve decided to get divorced.  We ask that you join us in also respecting this choice we have made and embrace this new change in our lives.

During our time together, we have taught one another priceless lessons about ourselves, and ourselves in a relationship.  We both have become stronger and have grown immensely.  Our hearts are full with love and respect for one another because we see the goodness in each other.

Daraius Dubash, you have taught me so much about what it means to love and to be generous, kind, hardworking, and forgiving.  Thank you for teaching me all you have, and for helping make me the person I am today.

I continue to be inspired by you and your resolution for personal growth.  Thank you and keep continuing down your path.  I will never stop cheering for you and your dreams.  I do still love you and have forgiven you.  Life now guides us apart in some ways and yet this connection always remains.

Let’s welcome the change before us and celebrate the many happy moments we shared together and with our loved ones!

Bottom Line

Daraius & Emily: We continue to be friends!  We continue to work together on the blog, speak at conferences, and share our (separate) Trip Reports.  Nothing is changing at the blog!

We named the blog Million Mile Secrets, because we didn’t like that regular folks didn’t have access to the closely guarded secrets that make Big Travel with Small Money possible.

Through the years, we’ve also shared our personal “secrets” letting you see our travel together, our experiences, and our feelings.  So it’s only right to share our divorce.

And while it may sound silly, we’re proud “parents.” Emily and I don’t have children, but we did build this blog together.

We appreciate y’all.  Thank you for connecting with us and being an important part of our lives!

* If you liked this post, why don’t you join the 25,000+ readers who have signed-up to receive free blog posts via email (only 1 email per day!) or in an RSS reader …because then you’ll never miss another update!

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199 responses to “We’re Getting Divorced

  1. Such a shame.
    Marriage is a rollercoaster, sometimes down, sometimes up, hoping on a new ride won’t change that.

  2. My deepest respects to you both for taking the high road and honoring each other and the time you had together. Just because a marriage isn’t meant forever doesn’t mean the other is a bad person or that the time together is all of sudden considered “wasted.” It just means that the relationship is changing into a different form. I wish you both love and happiness.

  3. I feel for you guys. it hits home to a lot of us readers too. life must goes on

  4. Sometimes even the right decision for you can be hard. Wishing both of you peace and strength as you work through this and find the “new normal” in your lives.

  5. Silver cloud, dark lining. Life throws you a curve, you have to deal with it. A friend of mine went through what you’re going through. After a couple of years, she found her true love, and they’ve been happily married for 15 years.

    You can’t see this now (the light at the end of the tunnel), but you will.

  6. Daraius and Emily, thank you for your transparency. We grieve with you, and yet I encourage you as others have to leave the door open for reconciliation.
    ————
    For those considering divorce, I hope to offer a few resources for encouragement:
    –Consider watching the movie Fireproof and accepting the challenge. Although the acting isn’t always the best, the message of the film is worth it.
    Here are a couple other resources:
    http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity
    –If I could, however, only recommend one thing: FamilyLife produces some of the best materials and conferences to strengthen marriages. The Weekend to Remember conference literally changed my marriage! It has saved the marriage of many others. Daraius, Emily, I challenge you as a last ditch effort to attend one together…I’ll pay for your registration costs!! There are a few listed here across the U.S. even next week. I’m sure you have the miles to get there : )
    http://www.familylife.com/weekendtoremember2015

    Praying for you today.

  7. Stuff happens, people change and move on. Likely the best thing for both of you! “Free at last”. Note to Emily, do not date a travel blogger….although the points guy sure seems like a trust fund guy, sorry, repeat, do not date a travel blogger:)

  8. This is devastating.

  9. I may be wrong; but I think what you are going through is a curse for small business owners. Hope you find peace.

  10. Marriage: YMMV

  11. Daraius and Emily,
    Vary sorry to hear the sad news.I hope that there is still a chance for reconcilliation.
    Michael ( in YUL )

  12. Thank you for sharing boldly with this news. But I feel so sorry for that. I agree with what Brian has mentioned: take the challenge and overcome it instead of fleeing another way.

    Also, I was wondering how much of an impact this hobby of Miles&Points played in your life.?From my personal experience, it affected my life a lot (sometimes I would just go for M&P instead of taking care of my family well). Honestly, this hobby may get us more and more greedy, and we need to make sure we are not driven by this hobby. For those of us who spent so much time in this hobby, it is really a reminder how we could better use our time.

  13. Darius and Emily, thank you for sharing your vulnerability. It’s inspiring.

  14. Daraius and Emily,

    Your courage to share personal topics and accept responsibility for your actions is very touching and shows your integrity. I hope that you and Emily find peace and joy and wish you both the best as you navigate through these difficult times.

  15. Very sorry to hear it… Wish the best for both of you!! You both tried, and went through the stressful time. Hope the good memories stay with you.

    Thanks for your blog! over the time, I learned a lot!!

  16. This is very sad news and will mean a big change for you. You won’t be able to double up on the credit card offers and things like the southwest companion pass will have less value. Hopefully you both can find someone else to travel with.

  17. I got divorced in my late 20s… Thanks to a website posting the ‘Urban Exploration’ of Mike Tyson’s old house, I was able to meet a wonderful lady who found that type of thing intriguing, and we went on a date based on just wanting to talk about that crazy experience… Fast Forward to 2015 and we’re expecting our 1st child.

    Not super relevant, except since you are in the ‘Internet public eye’ you DO have a chance to meet that special someone again… Both of you. Its not the end of the world and we wish you both the best.

  18. Darius and Emily,

    I wish you peace and love. Please at least give it time before divorce. Maybe spend a little time away from each other. Please try to work it out. The blog and its followers love you and care about your family as we do to our own.

    Mandip Sandhu

  19. +1 @Brian about Family Life Weekend to remember. This marriage retreat saved our marriage from the brink of divorce. I would suggest you at least check into it. They have events all year long all over the country. Besides I’m sure you’ll have enough airline miles and hotel points to get to one out of state even. If you contact me via email I’ll even pay for you to attend together. Just let me know which event and date you want to go to and I’ll pay the fee.

  20. Dear Darius and Emily,
    I have been hoping against hope that the vibes I was picking up were wrong. Not what was said, but what wasn’t said. I looked for Emily’s name in posts, and other than “Emily and I do not get a commission on this , but we will always tell you about the best deal,” I realized I hadn’t seen any for a while, nor any pictures like I used to enjoy. Then came the solo retreat of Darius, and the change in physical appearance with the beard, etc…

    So I can’t say I am surprised, but having been through a divorce myself, I do understand how it can happen, why it’s best to be honest with folks, and that when one door closes, another opens…

    The two have you have had a very positive influence on our life, and I hope that all the good you have sent out will come back to you in unexpected ways that will help each of you go through the grieving process and on toward a new life.

    Safe travels. Both of you. Precious cargo.

  21. People care and grieve with you. Wishing you the gift of peace in each of your consciousness!

  22. Wishing you two the best and that each day gets better and better. It happens. Life isn’t easy, and I have no doubt there will be a day when you’ll both be over the moon in love again, albeit with someone else.

  23. Will you be posting a blog post for the best methods as well as best cards to use on Ashley Madison? Do they take Visa GCs? Vanilla reloads?

  24. My wife and I will be praying for you both. What has helped us in our 25+ years of marriage (still no kids) is that we each found Christ and His love mixed with our human love makes our marriage much stronger than what it would have been without Him. He is real and can be found by anyone, single, married or divorced and at any stage in life. He loves those who don’t even believe He exists. He seeks to make Himself real and His love real in many ways, but we don’t always recognize Him. It’s easy for any of us to think we have an open mind about spiritual things and yet we let bad experiences He had nothing do with cloud our minds. We love you both. You’ve been a blessing to many. If you will, read the Book of John from the New Testament. There’s a lot of healing words of love in there from the greatest person to ever walk the Earth.

  25. We love you both

  26. TMI dude. Sorry for what you are going through but you can spare us the details and obvious cry out to Emily.

    Unsubscribing so hopefully don’t get anymore of this in the my inbox.

  27. Darius,

    Thanks for being brave by sharing details of your personal life so open and honestly – that shows good character and that you have started to take ownership for your actions. I know you only control one half of the relationship, but I’d like to offer you some encouragement and hope based on my own struggle. I have been married for 11 years and only about three years ago did I finally began to get victory in my life over certain behavioral patterns that I was blind to. I understand what it is like to be in a conversation and be more concerned about how “I’m right” or how “I’m not being understood” or “respected”. I understand what it feels like to contend for those “rights” at all cost – to pursue winning the argument. During my darkest times, I viewed my spouse as an enemy; always pointing out things that were wrong, “slowing me down with useless concerns” and “not being the person I married.” I failed to realize during those times that as hard as I wanted to change my spouse, it was only me that I could control and me that most needed to change. Getting to that point wasn’t easy and it was only after years of pain and child-like behavior thrust upon my spouse that I finally, really, looked for answers. Though I have been a Christian for several years, I was not following the Word of God and I didn’t know how to apply what I was reading in my life – I was losing the battle.

    It sounds like you have maybe found some methods of your own to gain some degree of victory over your actions, to that I say “Awesome!” Darius – You have shared so many things with me that have helped me in a pursuit of passion (travel) that all I can offer in return is to share with you what helped me. I would not look down on your for not taking this advice, but I won’t let that possibility stop me from giving it.

    On a practical level, this inexpensive workbook from Amazon (http://www.amazon.com/Anger-Busting-Workbook-Techniques-Relationships/dp/188629819X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1448399450&sr=8-2&keywords=anger+busting) gave me a simple way of understanding how I was mismanaging my Anger by subconsciously sub-coming to natural paths of distorted thinking and aggressive behavior during times of crisis. This workbook helped me understand the thought processes leading up to an explosive episode and how I could choose to think alternate thoughts or take other action to avoid hurtful behaviors. This book had not “fixed me” or made me perfect; I still struggle, but the advice in this simple and inexpensive workbook helped me get a huge leg up on the problem.

    The book got me out of the mud, but I still realized that I’m a person who made mistakes and who caused hurt and pain and, though my spouse was willing to forgive me, I knew that my actions spoke something about who I was at the core: a selfish, prideful, arrogant… (the list could go on forever) person. I didn’t want that – I wanted to be humble, gentle and patient (Ephesians 4:2). I also understood that in order to love others more than myself, it required an example to follow.

    Romans 5:8 puts it this way “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

    I don’t know your take on religion and I know it can be a personal subject, but I will say I’m a fool to take credit for the change that happened in my life. I will also say that I have found amazing truth in learning that my Creator, the God who made the heavens and the earth, would take an interest in such a hateful, prideful person as myself – such an interest that he would send his own Son, who himself was God (John 1:1, Colossians 1:15), to die for me so that I could have a restored relationship with Him. Such love is not found in the natural world and leaves me awestruck when I meditate on it. This love has empowered me to be who I know I need to be, but am powerless to be. To know this love, I had to submit myself to God and accept that I was a sinner and that my sins had earned a just judgement apart from God. I had to only believe in my heart that Jesus Christ paid for my sins.

    I hope this comes as an encouragement and might me something you feel you could consider or at least explore.

    I wish you and Emily all the best,

    David

  28. @Ed, I can think of nothing more to add to your note. Thanks for being a witness to the saving power of our Lord Jesus Christ and sharing it respectfully.

  29. Common you both, feel sorry for you. Now you both can start off fresh and move on like small kids 🙂 sometimes we need to learn from kids too, they unite at the end of the day after a fight and move on.

    I still think you both can move on together as a married couple, common Darius you’ve done amazing things like first class flying, dinner dates, taking parents abroad. Small things like frustration should be left, remember reacting to anger/frusration/hate is not the answer 🙂 it’ll create more pain.

    You’ve been a role model for mile collection and hotels and so forth, I like to see you both together and happy 🙂

  30. Best wishes to you both as you move forward to a different chapter in your life.
    A bit of advice that helped me… I have often heard ‘others’ say, My spouse doesn’t understand me. When an acquaintance mentioned to me he figured out too late what made his wife happy- It clicked with me. He was referring to the ‘5 languages of love’ book. We all feel love differently. (Words of affirmation, affection, quality time, gifts and acts of service.) If you can figure out which one is your love language and your partners (even children) it is a huge help.
    For example my son… I can ‘I love you’ and hug him till the cows come home but it does nothing. (but are mine) If I sit/help him to do homework and then go shoot basketballs- I ROCK! I figured out my kids language. It has helped our relationship immensely!
    Best wishes to you both!
    Thank you for your great blog. China next Spring will make 15 countries for my 16 year old son and I.

  31. Good heavens – I thought the post title was a twist on a travel deal or a “just kidding.” My 2 cents, with no extra points earned on top of them, is do what’s right for both of you. Nothing is forever, not marriage and not divorce and not life. Everything changes. Maybe you’ll find each other again. The journey’s not always smooth, but make it your journey. Good luck to both of you, and as always, thanks for all the help you’ve given me, and many others, through this blog.

  32. Wow. Tough message to read from you two. Sad that y’all can’t find a way through this.

    My wife and I are coming up on 18 years of marriage. Lots of highs. Lots of lows. We’ve come to the brink of separation/divorce a couple of times. Only by focusing on Jesus and not on each others insufficiencies is how we have survived. Our bond has grown stronger with each valley we have walked through together. Life is tough….

    I want to shout “don’t give up on each other”, but I also respect your decision.

    God bless both of you.

  33. First of all Ditto to Comment #1:
    “Marriage is a rollercoaster, sometimes down, sometimes up, hoping on a new ride won’t change that.”

    Second:
    It’s easy to get married, much harder to stay married. If my opinion counts, invest just half the time and effort into consideration for eachother as you do on miles and points, and things will surely work themselves out.

    You are in my prayers.

  34. Thank you very much for your open and honest news… (although it is sad news). I think the BOTH of you are great and I continue to be a big fan both professionally and personally! I wish you both the best of luck and happiness in the future.

  35. Dating is great, men are so attentive, they plan dates, bring flowers and shower you with affection, security and help. Your sold, he’s great! Then you get married and the focus and attention he gave goes to his work, work that is most of the time stressful. He comes home, yells at the one person who he claims to love more than anything. As women we are left wondering “what happened, where is that great guy that made me feel so wonderful?” Things they used to do for you or with you they slowly stop doing….why? Women still NEED those things. I hear bitter single women all the time say “I don’t need a man” but yes we do. To be happy we need Love, Attention and Caring, those aren’t plays in a game that your trying to win. Those are needs that all women must have in order to be Happy (with you) everyday.
    If we don’t get those things (which is like food) we will die (our love for you) dies. It’s like starving to death. On top of starving a woman by withdrawing, you kick her when she’s down by yelling and taking your stress out on her. I’m not saying it doesn’t take two. Men have needs too, but its really hard to get those from her once your attention is gone.
    It’s a two way street, and usually you can see it parting a mile away. The dates stop, help around the house stops, more hours spent at work, hand holding stops….all the little things add up until one day you both wake up and wonder “how did we get here?” I got divorced at 28, I’m 48 now. I remember my ex realizing and wanting to give me anything and everything to stay. He wanted to fix it, “ill take you to dinner, I’ll move, I’ll do anything” But women don’t understand that quick 180 we don’t work like that. It took years for us to lose love for you and it would probably take months or even years to get it back. Plus if we did talk ourselves into staying with the hope/promise that things would go back to newlywed stage….there’s the nagging voice of I trusted you and you let me down….what if he lets me down again. It’s hard to win it back, its hard for us to trust again. I blame myself as a woman if I know Men can’t focus on more than one thing at a time, and I saw things slipping, I let it happen. I didn’t demand the needs I must have. So now I just recently got married again. We dated for 7 yrs and have been married for 2 mos. It’s been hard I’m holding that mirror up and pointing out every little change that is making our life different. Every night he works late (a year now) every date we miss, every household chore we don’t do together….is moving us away from where we were happy. We have decided to have a meeting every year. Like a business meeting of our partnership. We review the year, talk about what is going great, what may be could be better and how to fix it. Then map out a plan/goals for next year. I take responsiblity for the end of my first marriage. I did not at the time, I blamed him. He got angry I was leaving and it just made it worse. It takes two, whether your the one who withdrew or whether your the one who watched it happen and did nothing. If you still love each other its worth trying and trying and trying. You may look back and think to yourself you could have fixed this. If you do decide this is it, I wish you all the best and take the lesson to your next relationship.

  36. oh, how I wish this wasn’t true. I’ve never met you, and yet have so enjoyed your blog, and especially all the posts about showing your love for one another! I, like many others want to wish for you to keep trying! Honestly this made me so so sad! Best wishes for you both.

  37. As a fellow CPA, I actually spent significant time thinking about this exact situation: divorce. My worst fear is can be summarized by these questions in my mind “what good is a lifetime of scrimping and saving, being financially savvy, leveraging credit, etc, if I get financially destroyed in divorce court? how many hours is that in the office? how much of my youth is that?”

  38. I’m sad to read this.

  39. I’m so sorry to hear this. It seemed like you both experienced a lot of joy together with this hobby/job. I am impressed with your honesty and wish you both the very best.

  40. Never met you guys but I feel like I owe you something for being one of the bloggers who in 2012 changed my life and how I view travel. All the best Daraius and Emily.

  41. Heartbreaking! I was hoping the title was going to say, we are getting divorced from American Air or some silly thing. After following you for YEARS and chatting at many FTUs, I feel like you guys are my kids….so here’s some motherly advice… As you move forward, what ever that looks like, consider checking out these tools/resources. Doug Weiss’ (Drdougweuss.com) Emotional Fitness. Excellent resource for working those emotional muscles rather than stuffing and exploding…. And John Bevere’s I go
    On forgiveness (including self). Even if you don’t prescribe totally to their philosophy there are some excellent tools for health. My husband and I have been married 35 yrs. He has been a yelled at times and as a woman, that devasted me. Women need security. How can I feel secure with someone who is mean?? Hubby needs respect…but how can I respect someone who hurts me?? We have weathered some very stormy unhappy years, but I am happy to say experienced wonderful, romantic years later!!! Not disrespecting your journey, just offering resources, hope and hugs! ❤️

  42. Hmmm… Some glitches above.

  43. I have always been a fan of you and Emily, I am so sorry to hear this news. That said, these are tough decisions and I am sure you two need to do what is best for you both. Thank you for your honesty (tough to share), so I wish you and Emily nothing but the best.

  44. To my fellow readers: It seems that so many people are making a lot of assumptions based on limited information. Not everyone wants to divorce so they can be with someone else. Not every marriage/relationship can be salvaged and religion can’t solve all problems. Before commenting, lets check our egos at the door (myself included).

    I wish you the best, Daraius and Emily!

  45. You two seemed like the happiest couple, and so ideally suited! Shows how well you kept up a bold front. Wishing both of you every success in the future and a happy life separately. David Koskoff

  46. It was your blog that I stumbled upon three years ago that got me addicted to this game. I am very sad to read this. I wish you both strength in this difficult time.

  47. vsr1957@yahoo.com

    Thank you both for sharing with us all your joys and travels. Am so used to seeing the both of you together all sweet. I wish you both all the best and am just saddened by your story. Have Faith! Good Luck!

  48. Emily and Daraius – Its very sad to learn this. You guys have become such a routine part of my life, its like my friends breaking that news to me! I wish you both well and hope you find your own peace. Just looking at your smily face on your blog page, hard to imagine what you describe of yourself that led to this!

    Good luck going forward.

    Bhavin

  49. “There is love in holding and there is love in letting go.”
    ― Elizabeth Berg, The Year of Pleasures

    Peace be to you both.

  50. Wishing both of you all the best. Thank you guys for all your hard work on the site and turning it into such a pivotal source for so many people. Both of you are clearly amazing people and I’m sure the future has a lot in store.

  51. Unfortunately the points and miles game is intense and will do that to ya. Most of your fellow bloggers are divorced or are in the process of doing so.

  52. Your decision to be authentic is brave – and it is why readers like me love your work. I deeply respect what you’ve built and continue to build. Thank you for your honesty; it is a model for all of us.

  53. All you Jesus people seem to be forgetting that divorce is not allowed in your chosen religion, whether you like it or not.

  54. You’re brave to share your story. Nothing that is written now will change anything and you are intelligent enough to know when “over” is over. All of the praying to imaginary friends and reading books and overused advice is futile. Continue to live an authentic life and move forward…

  55. So sad to hear, but thank you for sharing. Wishing you the best in your decision. Appreciate your honesty and everything you’ve done to create this blog. It is my favorite of all the ones out there.

  56. Darius, so sad to hear divorce is never an easy or rash decision so I know you must have thought about it a lot since you are such a planner. I trust you take time for your heart to heal from this loss.

  57. Thanks for all the years of wisdom you have shared with me. I wish you both for the next chapter in your life to be wonderful.

  58. I noticed that Darius’ name was on the Ashley Madison list. I’m sure this was probably the last straw for Emily. I hope that you are all able to move on to something more fulfilling.

  59. Sending warm thoughts to both of you…

  60. Nooooo….! This is indeed sad news, though I suspected some changes with the retreat and yoga and beard and salads. I really hope it was not blogging and time focusing on miles/points/big travel with small money ideas and deals, that led to distancing. Because your blog now got me hooked on the same stuff, spending inordinate amounts of time away from family time. As someone suggested, give it one last effort, stop the blog if you need to and focus on Emily.

  61. Daraius and Emily,

    Very sorry to hear the news! It’s brave of you to address the topic on you blog.

    I’ve learned a lot from you blog and enjoyed following your travels. Your blog has always been about more than just the miles and points. Wishing you the best in this difficult time.

    Warm regards,

    Matt

  62. The love you have for each other is obvious in your words. When the papers are signed and property divided, you will both regret this. You both enjoy travel so much, take a few months or a year off and backpack around the world and concentrate only on each other and the moment, no blogs. The cost will be worth it, the alternative is much more expensive in every way.

  63. Please watch fireproof. I would send you my copy but I’ve packed it away(moving)
    The Love Dare book is supplementary it’s got challenges for you to do

  64. wow, you put a “bottom line” on a divorce announcement . . .

  65. I am so sorry to hear this. Find happiness out there…you two deserve it. We all do!

  66. I have nothing more to add to some of these great comments here than that I hope you both give careful consideration to them and be brave and bold enough to be able to reconsider even though you now feel your decisions are final . You happen to be my favorite bloggers and I wish you both all the best .

  67. My favorite quote ” If you’re going through hell , keep going ! ” from Winston Churchill . Really , don’t make any drastic changes or major commitments ,
    even go easy on promises to yourself just keep plugging along for awhile . May take a year or so before you settle down emotionally .
    Best Regards and Best Wishes

  68. Not to be the pessimistic one but……this is not going to work. I applaud both of you for your maturity and outlook on this unfortunate situation is but the reality is that the two of you will NOT be able to successfully run a business together. Daraius, from it outside it really seems like you are thedriving force behind the site so I would look to buy out Emily’s portion completely. Emily, take the payout a find another endeavor. Both of you are being incredibly naïve if you honestly believe you can work together.

  69. Darius and Emily,

    Sorry to hear this. Hope you both find peace & joy.

  70. Daraius and Emily,

    I’m really sorry to hear this. I wish you both the very best in this difficult time. I’m sure you have considered this deeply and made the best decision that only you can. No one gets married intending to get divorced, but people and relationships do change and this, too, is a part of life. I’m sure that life holds wonderful things ahead for the both of you.

    Thanks again for all you both do. And I just wanted to address a few comments here. To some if you this may seem TMI, but they have been a public couple in this blog, and it makes sense to give a public explanation of this new change. And those of you acting smug and contemptuous, fuck you. Would you react the way you are if people you knew personally were getting divorced? You should be ashamed.

  71. This sucks!

    I expect a serious devaluation coming to the Mother-In-Law rule.

  72. Daraius and Emily thank you for sharing the SAD news.. Hopefully you are both on the mend… I was concerned when I read about the yoga…experience and the beard!!! I thought something was up to be separated so long for that experience

  73. I’m so sorry to hear this! I had the pleasure of meeting you both a few years ago (during an interview in Austin), and I found you both to be warm and compassionate people. I’m glad at least that this difficult time has awarded you both an opportunity to grow and to learn, and I wish you both health and happiness in the years ahead!

  74. First post I’ve read on your website in years. I respect the honesty. Wow. We only have a moment on the earth and time can not be wasted in resentment, shame, or anger. Congrats to both of you on the tough decision and wishing you peace and health

  75. I am SOOOO sad to hear this news guys. I know you have a lot of support around you, so you will both land on your feat. But thank you very much for sharing your story with us, and your knowledge and letting us all learn and grow along side of you.

    Your friend in miles and life,
    Mike Howard

  76. A very respectful way to hold each other up. The 2 most important things at the onset of a divorce are mutual respect and self-improvement. You’ll both do well.

  77. If you can survive the American and Starwood’s devaluation, anything is possible.

  78. Daraius and Emily,

    I am sorry to hear such news. I hope that both of you can move on in lives!

  79. i feel really bad for u guys. although i dont agree with what u guys are doing its ur decision. when u get married u MAKE it work! if its true that u are still friends and talk to each other then i believe very strongly that u couldve made ur marriage work. divorce is a last last option. im hoping u guys will miss each other and reunite back together again!

  80. Just from reading your blog it is apparent that both of you are special people. I am sad to hear the news and wish the best for both of you.

  81. Daraius and Emily, so sorry to hear the news. I hope that both of you will find healing and peace in this trying time.

    Your website is still the best miles/points site out there!

    Alexandros

  82. Darius and Emily,

    This is soo sad! I appreciate you addressing it so honestly.
    I have missed the joint travel articles.. that is what hooked me in —along with your honesty and ‘arrows’.

    Life has twists and turns and you do not know where you will land – but hang in there.
    Sounds like you are on a good path now.

  83. Take time for yourselves, reflect on life and realize glitches big and small do happen in life and some with a small cost some bigger, regardless, You both are not alone and this stupid epidemic of grass is greener in or after divorce is bs when you both or in most situations, it has nothing to do with love. The love is there but its the need to escape and get away from the glitches life throws at us. Regardless, whether you chose or cannot fix it. Take care of yourselves. Go to therapy alone. Relearn who you are and different ways to live life. It is all we have and we must be thankful to God that we still have that option. make the best of it, when your ready and make yourself ready. Remember who you were from a confidence standpoint of who you were before the marriage and how you’ve evolved and know you are not in competititon with anybody to live your life the way you are and want to evolve and retake control of your lives. In the future, things will be better for both of you to have grown and healed and learned new things enough to realize divorce is just making you a better person or trying to get you around the roadblocks. If it continues in your mind as it will for awhile. allow yourselves space to grow on your own. love yourself first. only you control you. only you know what youre going through. you deserve to be free from the pact you once had that had thousands of cofounding variables that don’t always turn out resolved and perfect. Be thankful that the sun comes up everyday, in most places at least, listen to alot of music. Its helped me through everything. throw yourself out there in safe environments, try new things, fix what you can, grow from what you can’t and respectfully live life, you both are dependent on each other unconsciously anyway, so divorce is just a temporary but sometimes necessary relief, the real needs are in yourselves that only you can change. for yourself before others as it gets complicated otherwise. Im going thru divorce as well. You will get through it and think positive, don’t dwell and do what you can. Thats all that can be asked of you and life still goes on… Love you guys and hope this serves helpful. nothings perfect and nobody for that matter. Take it one day at a time.

  84. I am at a lost for words when I read this blog. I had to read the first few sentences more than twice. I remembered all the happy trips you both took together…the pictures of first class on BA, etc.

    Best wishes in your new phase of life.

  85. Wishing you and Emily a great life ahead!

  86. Really sorry to hear when any couple goes down this road. I remember some research that couples who divorced weren’t any happier five years in the future. While I don’t know your situation beyond what I’ve read, I ask you to consider this statistic and maybe there’s an opportunity to save your marriage. I with you both great happiness and peace with whatever you do, and so much have enjoyed all the wisdom and advice provided over the years.

  87. Carla — well said!

  88. This is a serious question, but I don’t really know how to ask it. Is Darius gay? There’s something about the way he looks and poses for the camera that just doesn’t seem consistent with a man who likes women.

  89. Hi there. I know that none of us, myself included, really KNOW you and Emily, even though we feel like we do, and I know that you haven’t given us all the information about what’s going on behind closed doors (and it’s not our business anyway). All that being sad, I will join the others who have said please be sure you are not acting hastily. All marriages go through rough patches. But often sticking it out through the toughest times results in an even closer relationship. I know this has been true in my own (15 year) marriage. Please give it some time before making any final decisions. Best of luck to you both.

  90. Very sorry to hear about this. As someone that got divorced a couple of years ago, I definitely empathize. I wish you two could work it out, but it looks like an amicable separation. I hope and pray for peace in both of your lives.

  91. Wishing you both peace and harmony. This isn’t a decision you’ve taken lightly and I am hopeful you can love and appreciate each other as friends.

  92. About 2 years ago, I criticized you and that your GF would leave you. I said you were cheap and took pictures of her way way too much! I was bashed by your fans and you were on cloud 9. Now this comes true, and what? who will bash me next? I saw it your posts, and I do not even know you at all, I love your post, I don’t want to know about how you saved $5 on a dinner date with your GF who later becomes your wife. Business is business and personal is personal, learn that before you fail again. I am tough, I am sorry your pain, love will come Again.

  93. Sorry to hear that but monogamy is a tough discipline enforced mainly by religions. Live and learn and most importantly, continue to enjoy life.

  94. Dear Daraius & Emily,

    My heartfelt condolences. I’ve been reading you since about 2012 and after three years of miles accumulation I’m going to start using them on several trips next year, of which I have you to thank. I had an equally tragic event occur in December of 2014 which I am only recently recovering from and unfortunately its the tragedies which force us to gain some perspective and grow. Although I didn’t use miles, it was in part your blog which pushed me to fly to Las Vegas in October for a short trip which became a turning point in my life. I posted a link below the story if you care to hear it.

    Based on the overall post, it seems you and your former wife are amicable which is more than I can say for some couples I know who are still together (myself included). For whatever reason you two were drawn together and now you’re both being led elsewhere. There are no coincidences. Somehow there is a tapestry, order, or fate to our lives beyond our control. I can’t quite explain it but I lived it and I know now there just are no coincidences.

    I wish you both the best and I will pass on some ancient wisdom I learned during a pivotal time in 2012:

    Be cheerful while you are alive.

    http://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2015/10/piston-slap-garbage-garbage/#comment-6571930

  95. Dear Daraius & Emily,

    I have been traveling and not reading my emails, twitter or blogs, so I just saw this, and am saddened by the news. Your blog got me into travel hacking about 4 years ago, and I have enjoyed your news and tips which have taught me and inspired me. I remember the thrill of winning free parking days from your blog a couple of years ago, and how courteous you were to read my email questions and offer advice.

    Wishing both of you well as you move on in the future. I am glad that you can remain friends, and I hope that you will both find happiness as you go forward. My husband and I just celebrated 30 years of marriage, and sometimes it is still a challenge – as others have said, nothing is a constant.

    May you both be well, and find your path to contentment, happiness and love. All the best.
    Marilyn B

  96. As it’s getting close to signing some very life changing papers I would ask that the two of you watch “The Best Years of Our Lives” together. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0036868/synopsis?ref_=tt_stry_pl It is a great portrayal of love and commitment through the struggles of life and stress.

  97. Sorry to hear the news. I didn’t know until one of my friends told me about it. I hope this is the start of inner growth for both you and emily. Being xmas season, I also want to apology for being harsh on this website and emily. Maybe the bitterness stem from early days of the blog killing 90% of the ft deals. I guess it was uncalled for us group to make fun of emily.

    What doesn’t kill does make you stronger. Being lived a turmoil of life myself, i know that you will be stronger tomorrow. And don’t be too hard on yourself. It takes two to make marriage work, and two to destroy marriage.

  98. Emily and Daraius:

    you have made a tough and sad but mature choice. I hope that you keep the divorce amicable and continue to work together as partners.

    Wishing you all the best in your respective lives.

  99. I am sorry to hear this happened to you both but glad to hear you are able to continue living a life that is still connected and with what appears to be a good level of peace and understanding between you. I actually have gone through this myself… I know my little blog is nothing huge but the sudden stop in writing during the Mile Madness fun of 2014 was directly due to my own marriage breakdown and we are now separated and very close to finalizing our divorce (here in NC you have to be physically separated for at least a year before you can actually divorce). It is definitely a very painful process but we also continue to get along amicably and cordially, somewhat even more critical in our case given our shared children, and I think it’s a good thing for modern society that people are able to now separate and continue to live with some togetherness without being frowned upon by family, friends and society as a whole. I wish you both the best of luck in your personal lives. And I think it is brave and admirable for you to layout your feelings on this so publicly. Best wishes, Phil