Points Envy’s Newsreal

Note: This post is satire and you shouldn’t follow any of Points Envy’s suggestions, nor should you break the law.  Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental.

A lot of exciting things have happened in the Points World over the last week or two, and this week at Billion Mile Secrets we are bringing you up to speed on some of the most significant developments.  As President Thomas Jefferson once said, “Whenever the people are well-informed, they can be trusted with their own points balances.  E pluribus unum.”

  • Delta Airlines and Starwood Preferred Guest have teamed up, creating an unlikely alliance between the most valuable hotel loyalty program and the least valuable frequent flyer program.  We only hope that SPG has a solid prenup in place.
  • Club Carlson, the hotel loyalty program that includes Radisson and some other hotels that don’t matter, has been spraying us with points as of late.  Their new credit cards from U.S. Bank offer some great bonuses, and they are also currently giving away a whole 1,000 points to anyone who likes them.  We don’t like anyone, but we do love points, so we’re in big time. Of course, what to do with Club Carlson points is beyond us, as it doesn’t seem like any of their properties exist in real life.
  • Spirit Airlines announced that they will introduce Golden Eagles to their fleet.  We are not referring to gilded F-15s, but the actual birds of prey .  Long used by falconers in Central Asia for everything from hunting game to pumping gas, these elegant birds will soon be put to work here in America, where they will transport cargo and passengers weighing less than 45 lbs.
  • A Chinese traveling companion of ours was rightfully outraged when he was not allowed to board prior to economy passengers recently.  Despite politely stating “Do you know who I am?” several times in a row (in Chinese), he received no appropriate response and was therefore forced to express his feelings in a more traditional manner.  Shame on you China Eastern Airlines, shame on you.
  • As we all suspected, it is now official that Fidel Castro and/or Hugo Chavez the American Express shopping portal is dead.  It was a slow, painful death, so I’m sure we can all utter a sigh of relief that our friend is finally in a better place.  As a tribute to its former rival, the Ultimate Rewards portal will offer inferior, convoluted points earnings throughout the month of March.
  • Award tickets for Alitalia, the third best airline of the Great Nation of Italy, are now bookable on Delta.  This is a great development, assuming you can overcome the obstacles that are the Delta website and the Alitalia flying experience.  This is probably the only newsworthy thing happening in Italy or Rome right now.

Well there you have it dear readers.  We hope that the coming week brings better news in the points world.  In particular, we are holding our breadth for news of the return of the 787; particularly on LOT Polish Airlines, as we are wont to make hard inquiries in Warsaw.  Na zdrowie!

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