Note: This post is satire and you shouldn’t follow any of Points Envy’s suggestions, nor should you break the law. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental.
We all know that business travelers comprise a large portion of the general population of miles and points junkies, and that FlyerTalk is littered with rubbish MBAs. This week at Billion Mile Secrets we head to the forefront of elite American education to lend our expertise to a revolutionary new curriculum designed for tomorrow’s foremost business professionals.
The connection between business schools and frequent travel is incredibly strong, resulting largely from MBA programs breeding consultants and other professionals who regularly fly around the world spouting knowledge for a hefty fee, all the while racking up points and miles on their companies’ dimes. Hell, we even occasionally get consulting gigs just for the points earnings, as we’re usually able to take about eight to ten free trips before getting fired.
Of course, we all know that business school is, like business class, a huge joke. History clearly demonstrates that either you are born rich or you will never understand business. That is, until now.
Today, Points Envy is pleased to announce our new position as adjunct professorarium meritoriusum at Harvard Business School (HBS), where we will be teaching a set of new elective courses focused on point/mile earning and management and premium award travel, especially as it relates to the business world.
The genesis of the new electives lies in a recent trip we took in British Airways’ old first class product from London to Bombay. During the flight we may have had a few too many, as we vaguely remember challenging several parties to a drinking contest and later asking everyone in the first class cabin their net worth and shoe size.
The Dean of HBS, Nitin Nohria, was traveling on the flight and was apparently impressed by our “leadership potential.” Upon arrival, he reached out to us about coming onboard at HBS, coaxing us with the promise of a new credit card. The rest, as they say, will soon be becoming recent history.
Accordingly, this fall Points Envy will be teaching several courses at HBS, including Fundamentals of Advanced Award Booking, Loyalty Account Management Strategies, Premium Cabin Travel in a Global Context, and “Do You Know Who I Am?” A Primer for the New Elite.
In keeping with HBS tradition, these trailblazing courses will be taught through the case study method. For example, in Fundamentals of Advanced Award Booking, our students will have to work through booking a six-city award in business class for a family of four using US Airways Dividend Miles. Other projects will analyze significant historical events, including the time Points Envy booked an around-the-world first class ticket utilizing every Star Alliance first class product. The final exam for the course will consist of finding and booking low level award space for a transcontinental jaunt using Delta SkyMiles.
Of course, an important part of every cutting-edge business education is experiential learning, which is why we have founded the Points Envy Harvard Award Booking Club. In the course of a single academic semester, Club members will gain travel wisdom by flying every international first class product departing from Logan Airport. There will also be a competition to see who can accumulate the most points and miles in a 90-day period; first prize is a bottle of vintage whisky from The Macallan, while last place “wins” a date with an American Airlines flight attendant.
As with most trends in business and life, we are certain that what begins at Harvard will soon be imitated by other elite programs like Stanford, Wharton, and the University of Phoenix. Also as per usual, Points Envy will be happy to spread our wisdom at whichever school pays us the most. After all, despite our first class surroundings, we remain savvy businessmen to the core.