Points Envy’s Unconventional, but Lucrative Ways to Earn Points

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Note: This post is satire and you shouldn’t follow any of Points Envy’s suggestions, nor should you break the law.  Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental.

In the past, we at Points Envy have broken the news on some of the most creative ways to earn points, and this week’s Billion Mile Secrets post is no exception.  Below we outline some brand new, tried-and-true, experimental, traditional, revolutionary ways to generate the points you need.

Method #1: Sleep Your Way to the Top
The key to this method is to first familiarize yourself with the personal lives of employees of numerous loyalty programs.  For legal reasons, we can’t reveal any specifics, but our general method is to identify an acceptably good-looking employee, follow them to their place of residence, seduce them, get them addicted to our love, and convince them to augment our account with extra points.  If the employee is already in a relationship, that’s even better, as you only need one night and a camera to get all the points and status you need.

Method #2: Complain About Everything
This is borderline conventional, but sometimes people overlook the little things that only a refined traveler can appreciate.  For example, on our most recent Asiana flight, one of the flight attendants failed to refer to us as “sir” the eighth time she refilled our champagne.

We immediately complained to the purser on the flight, who verbally and physically reprimanded the flight attendant before assuring us that we would be taken care of.  Upon arrival we noticed that our Asiana Club account had been credited the number of miles we had redeemed for the flight.

We complained about these ink marks and received 45,000 miles.

Method #3: Win Contests
We hesitate to even mention this method due to its simplicity, but it has provided us with large chunks of miles in the past.  All you really need to do to succeed is to enter as many points and miles giveaways as you can and then win them.  To increase your odds of winning, we suggest you create multiple identities and hire a team of statisticians and/or hackers to help you with the entries.  In the past year alone, we’ve accumulated more than 540,000 points and miles via this method, but of course your miles may vary.

Method #4: Create an Online Office Supply Store
This is a relatively new entry into our points-earning repertoire, but all you really need is a website and a Square account to start your own points mill.  You don’t even need the website, but we are legitimate businessmen who like to maintain high standards.  When you create your Square account, simply indicate that you are an office supply store and give yourself an officey sounding name like Max Office Staples Depot.

The final step is to swipe a card like the Chase Ink Bold that earns 5x points at office supply stores.  Square charges a 2.75% fee, but you will still come out ahead by 2.25 points per dollar if you use your new Ultimate Rewards points to pay for the fee.  So far, we have generated over 8,500,000 Ultimate Rewards points using this method buying envelopes from pointsenvy.com/officesupplies.

Method #5: Warm Up to Old People
We recognize that the old people in first class often have accumulated a lifetime’s worth of miles.  Accordingly, long-haul international first class cabins present ripe opportunities for sweet-talking your way to some miles gold.

We typically start by having the purser send over a couple tumblers of scotch to set the mood, which is usually one and a half too many given the amount of medication our new friend is likely to be on.  Once they are good and loopy, we ask them about their lives and families.  Some of our favorite talking points are children, boats, the war, the way things were, and how cold it is on the flight.

It is also helpful to remind them of their grandchildren’s inadequacies just before explaining your grand scheme to conduct charity work all over the world.  After just a few minutes of making a great first impression, they will fall asleep and you can call your attorney up from economy class and have them fill in the blanks of the pre-drafted will with which they are oh so familiar.

And so you see, there are infinitely many ways to earn miles if your imagination and mental capacity are sufficient.  We are always dreaming up new methods, some of which we share through blogs and our Twitter account, but most of which we keep to ourselves.  Gotta look out for number one.

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Editorial Disclaimer: Neither the responses below nor the editorial content on this page are provided or commissioned by the bank advertisers, and have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by the bank advertisers. Opinions expressed here are the author’s alone, not those of the bank advertisers. It is not the bank advertisers’ responsibility to ensure all posts and/or questions are answered.

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27 responses to “Points Envy’s Unconventional, but Lucrative Ways to Earn Points

  1. +1 for Method #4!

  2. Yet again another waste of time.

  3. +4 for method #1!

  4. Like Methode 4 as well…. Can you code quareup ?

  5. funny…

  6. Method #4 is a little to realistic to be in the satire article…..

  7. Loved the bilking of rich old people in first class.

  8. As funny this can be I think you are wasting precious time. A lot of us come to this blog to lean about accumulating point. This part of this blog is very unpopular.Please, please drop it and let get serious man. Otherwise I guaranty you you will lose some followers , I will be the first

  9. Onecoolrt, with all due respect, there is a lot of information that one can learn from these blogs. This was meant in jest and there are not too many of these kinds of posts. Try to get a funny bone. If you do not find it amusing, stop reading it.

  10. Well Robert that your opinion, But you are in no position to tell me what to do, If I want to stop reading the blog I will do so on my own

  11. Thanks for the laugh… especially with method #5

  12. Hi guys, I have a situation and i don’t know if anyone knows how to deal with it. Basically I applied for a ChaseMileagePlus Explorer card last Sept with a bonus offer of 25,000 miles, later there was 30,000 miles offer so I contacted them and got the additional 5,000 miles. Then what happens is that last week I received two offer mails from Chase for the same credit card, each with a personal invitation number, and this time the offer was 50,000 miles. I called them and requested for the additional 20,000 miles but they rejected saying they can only do that after a certain period (I assume it’s three months). So does anyone know how to handle this situation to get the new offer? Greatly appreciated!

  13. these posts are barely funny .. i wont read the satire anymore.. js

  14. I love points envy. Keep up the good work. If you don’t like it just read one of the other posts. There are plenty after all. Brian you could post something on the best use of Amex rewards points after the mist recent bonanza similar youR best uses of BA. BTW, I am aware of Ben’s post on it. Just a thought.

  15. Sorry Daraius, I thought for a moment I was on TPG’s blog. Anyway, I think you have a great blog too. Maybe less is sometimes more though – in terms of spoon feeding with arrows and circles.

  16. Bill Z you could log in to Chase, send them an email there and make your request once more. However once 90 days passes they usually don’t match a better offer.

  17. Hi Daraius… I really enjoy your blog… don’t think I’ve ever posted…

    I have to agree with a few others that have posted on here… these Points Envy posts are a waste of time. It’s not something that makes me want to leave your list but after reading 3 or 4 of them… I’ll certainly be hitting the delete button a lot more quickly.

    Your suggestions and your trip reports on the other hand are certainly enjoyed and appreciated! Thank you.

  18. Just want to tell my opinion that in recent time, this blog is going down. Not sure why such a nice and informative blog is accommodating such waste …. This post is another big waste of time.

  19. Love everything about your site but this point envy crap.

  20. I love Points Envy. If people think it’s such a waste of time, just don’t read it. You should know by now that it’s satire, so why read the entire thing if you don’t get anything out of it? Geez, one glance at the post title and you’ll know what it is.

    I think the points world is ripe for satire (see the above haters who take it all so very seriously), which is why these are so great.

  21. Distasteful. Pointless.

  22. Please stop publishing Travel Envy posts. They are not useful and actually detrimental to learning tips and tricks of frequent flyers. I don’t always see that they are satire and start reading just to find out it’s benen a waste of my time. Thank you.

  23. Onecoolrt, I was not telling you what to do. You really seem like an angry person and irritable person. I will leave you alone. My apologies.

  24. What do you all mean a waste of time? I just did #5 and she was a very nice lady. And then it led to #1 with her! I figured I was a shoe in. 🙂

  25. it’s great to have free info & speech.

    don’t think for 1 min should it or should it not be presented here – let each reader be his own judge. it’s not your job, don’t judge it for me.

    do you know even the capability of posting a “free” article is censored in parts of the world? why don’t you go there & protest?

  26. Method 5 had me in tears from laughing.

    “war and way things used to be.”

  27. Funny stuff.

    Love it when people threaten to stop consuming something they get for free. Amazing.